#it used to be fun and life giving to be around these people and now it is so exhausting and seriously alarming in many ways

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

"That said, both Styles and his therapist have questioned why he cares quite so much about being likeable. This is one of the things he thought about a lot in his big pandemic reflection. In part, it's a choice, he explained. He recalled moving to London after The X Factor and hearing tales of petulant celebrities screaming because someone got their coffee order wrong and deciding to never be that guy, to never give someone a petty reason to bad-mouth him. But more recently he's come to worry that the drive for approval came from a more complex place, a place of caution, fear, control." "Styles said he often spent interviews terrified about saying the wrong thing until he stopped to question what abhorrent belief or bizarre opinion he was scared he'd accidentally reveal and realized he couldn't think of anything."

"And he thought about the cleanliness clauses in the contracts he used to sign, which would dictate that they would be null and void if he did anything supposedly unsavoury, and about how terrified that used to make him. And about when he signed his solo contract and learned that the ability to make music would not be affected by personal transgressions, he burst into tears, a reaction he still seemed shocked by, retelling it to me now, years later. "I felt free," he explained."

"When Styles began therapy about five years ago [so in 2017], he was reluctant initially, feeling it was a music industry cliché. "I thought it meant that you were broken," he said. "I wanted to be the one who could say I didn't need it." He returned to the home theme that has underpinned our conversation, explaining that therapy has allowed him to "open up rooms in himself" that he didn't know existed, allowed him to feel things more honestly, where before he had tended to"emotionally coast.""

"Recently Styles began to work through issues related to intimacy, dating, love. "For a long time, it felt like the only thing that was mine was my sex life. I felt so ashamed about it, ashamed at the idea of people even knowing that I was having sex, let alone who with," he said."

"You look back, especially now there's all the documentaries, like the Britney documentary, and you watch how people were abused in that way, by that system, especially women. You recall articles from not even five years ago, and you're like, I can't even believe that was written."

He has been thinking a lot recently about autonomy, ownership, privacy. About what he should be able to keep to himself, what he should be able to simply communicate through his music without follow-up questions or prying. Around the time of Fine Line, he faced scrutiny around his sexuality. People became incredulous that he wore dresses, waved Pride flags, and yet hadn't clarified with precision, publicly to a journalist or on social media, the specifics of who he'd slept with, how he defined. This expectation is, to him, bizarre, "outdated." "I've been really open with it with my friends, but that's my personal experience; it's mine," he said.

Despite the acceptance that some things could, should, have been different, he still feels lucky every day, he said, lucky to make music, lucky to do what he loves.

"You can't win music. It's not like Formula One," he said. "I was like, in my lifetime, there will be 10 more people who burst onto the scene in that way, and I'm only going to get further away from being the young thing. So, get comfortable with finding something else that makes you happy. I just found that so liberating."

"I just want to make stuff that is right, that is fun, in terms of the process, that I can be proud of for a long time, that my friends can be proud of, that my family can be proud of, that my kids will be proud of one day," he said.

““In lockdown, I started processing a lot of stuff that happened when I was in the band,” he said. He thought about the way he was encouraged to give so much of himself away, “to get people to engage with you, to like you.” He thought about the fact that no baby photos exist of him that aren’t on the internet (you give a bunch to an X Factor producer doing a piece on your backstory without much thought, and suddenly your childhood is online). He thought about the journalists asking questions, when he was still a teenager, about how many people he’d slept with and how, rather than telling them to go away, he would worry about how he could be coy without them leaving the room annoyed. “Why do I feel like I’m the one who has done something wrong?” he said to me.”

— Harry for Better Homes and Gardens Magazine

[theemporium]

[3.6k] sometimes home is a place. sometimes it's a person. sometimes it's a bench that holds more memories than mat can fully handle, memories that are slipping through his fingers.

based on 'coney island' by taylor swift for the eras tour hockey fic challenge created by @comphy-and-cozy and @wyattjohnston!!

.

Present – November 2024 

Never in his life had Mat Barzal felt as pathetic as he did sitting on that bench in Coney Island.

It was cold as fuck, for one, which should have been expected on a day in late November in New York. The temperature was likely below freezing, the chill was starting to seep into his bones, and the jacket he had haphazardly thrown on was doing little to battle the weather.

Yet, it was barely a blip on his radar as the last few weeks properly washed over him. 

Despite the holiday season, there were (thankfully) not many people around to see Mat in all his pathetic and embarrassing glory. Most people were probably sane inside their warm homes, enjoying dinner with the people they cherish the most. It felt stupid to be envious of a city full of people but that is exactly what he was.

Because as Mat sat on that bench, staring out at the near empty beach, he felt like he was choking. 

On his feelings. On his memories. On his bitter resentment that, once upon a time, he was like those people.

That Mat used to have a warm home where he ate dinner with someone he fucking loved and cherished more than anyone or anything else in the world, but now he had lost that person. 

That he didn’t know where his person was or what they were doing, but they were doing much better than him as he sat on the same fucking bench where he first met them.

Where he first met you. 

…

August 2021

“You insist on this every year!” 

“Because it’s fun every year!” 

“And yet you still get pissy when you get beaten by a carnival game.”

Mat glared at him from over his shoulder, not faltering in his steps as he shot his cackling friend a look. “It doesn’t beat me—”

Beau snorted, giving the boy a fond shove as he pushed his way through the crowd to catch up until they were shoulder-to-shoulder again. “Dude, it’s a stupid game that you try every single time. And you fail every time.” 

“It’s rigged,” Mat huffed.

“Yeah, that’s the whole fucking point,” Beau deadpanned. “They are all rigged.”

“But I’ve beaten them all,” Mat whined, sounding young and bratty. “The ring toss is rigged more. It’s made to torture one’s mind—”

“Your mind.”

“—until they are driven insane and haunted by those stupid rings,” he continued to grumble, muttering an apology after he almost walked straight into a lady pushing a stroller.

“All for an arcade ring,” Beau mused, shaking his head. “Dude, you need to let it go.” 

Mat turned to glare at the boy. “No. I have won every single one of these stupid games. I am gonna win this one too.”

Beau opened his mouth. “Mat, dude—”

“And I am gonna get that stupid ring and I will wear it every single day of my—” 

The noise that left his mouth cut him short, something between a scream and squeak of surprise as he found his body hitting someone else instead of the clear path down the pier like he had assumed. He managed to stay on his feet, considering he was a six foot hockey player whose job revolved around being slammed into by other six foot hockey players. 

His victim? Not so much.

“Fuck.” 

It came out like a wheezed, as though the person was winded. Mat quickly spun around, the apologies already leaving his lips as he offered his hand out before he even took a look at the person he accidentally knocked over. And when he did, the apologies died on his tongue as he stared at you, his expression stuck between awe and something else that Beau would spend the better part of the next few years teasing him for.

“Do you even watch where you are going?” 

“Yeah,” Mat replied dumbly, staring at you like he was lost in a daze.

“Clearly not,” you murmured but still took his hand, giving him an odd look when it took longer than a few seconds before he realised and helped you up.

“I’m Mat,” he blurted out before he even let go of your hand. “And I’m sorry.” 

Your lips twitched. “I accept your apology, Mat.” 

“And your name?” He asked, not even trying to be subtle about it (if Beau’s snort was anything to go by). 

Mat feld winded himself when you smiled as you told him your name. 

…

February 2022

“So, let me get this straight.” 

“I am tired of repeating myself.”

“You’re taking her out on Valentine’s Day—”

“Not for Valentine’s Day!”

“Yeah, sorry, my bad. You are taking your friend who you are desperately in love with out on Valentine's Day. How silly of me to take that the wrong way.” 

Mat rolled his eyes, even if Beau couldn’t currently see him. He tucked his free hand into his jacket pocket, the other one curled around his phone as his eyes continued to wander over the pink and red decorations dotted all over the place. It made his nose scrunch up.

“It was the only day we both had free,” Mat insisted, his cheeks tinting pink for a whole different reason other than the cold, nipping weather of winter in New York. 

“No denial about the ‘in love’ part.” 

“Shut up,” he gritted through clenched teeth, as if anyone else could hear Beau except him.

“It’s just a little pathetic—”

“I didn’t ask,” Mat deadpanned, trying to ignore how hot his face now felt. “I don’t even know why I called you.”

“Because you needed a pep talk to finally make a move.” 

“I’m hanging up now,” Mat grumbled, ignoring whatever protests he received on the other side as he quickly pressed the red button before shoving his phone into his pocket with a huff. He was so lost in muttering to himself under his breath that he hadn’t noticed you approaching.

“Woah,” you laughed, hands up in mock defence at the way he jumped out of his skin. “You good?” 

“Yeah, I just—” He waved it off, an easy and genuine smile on his lips as he took in the way you were bundled up, an Islanders scarf around your neck. “Ready to have your ass kicked?” 

Your lips twitched. “Ready to cry over the ring toss again?” 

He did not, in fact, cry over the ring toss but he was undoubtedly grumpy by the time the two of you settled down on one of the benches looking out towards the beach, huffing as he took an aggressive bite from the pretzel that definitely didn’t fit his diet plan.

“C’mon,” you laughed, nudging your shoulder against his. “It’s just a game.” 

“It’s a stupid game,” Mat retorted.

“Beau was right, you take it way too seriously,” you commented, playful and lighthearted with a gleam in your eyes. Like you were so unaware that the comfort you shared with his friends made his chest tighten in the best way possible.

“You have a little—” He cut himself off, gesturing to the side of your lip.

Your brows furrowed, your thumb attempting to swipe the brown sugar away just to miss completely. “Did I get it?” 

“No, I—here, let me,” Mat murmured, reaching over to gently swipe the brown sugar away. But his thumb lingered, his eyes locked on your lips before glancing up at you. He waited for you to pull away but you just stared back.

For a moment, Mat wondered if you were going to suddenly pull away and pretend the small moment never happened.

For a moment, Mat’s stomach dropped at the thought this would be as far as he got with you.

And then you were leaning forward, your lips pressed against his and the pretzels long forgotten.

His body reacted faster than his brain did, kissing you back as the sweet taste of cinnamon and sugar overwhelmed him. The pretzel was left on the bench between you, his hands cupping your face as he sunk into the kiss, as he sunk into your embrace.

And only when you pulled back to smile at him did his brain seem to realise what had just happened. 

And only then did he grin right back at you. 

…

May 2022 

“God, hockey is brutal.”

Mat paused, raising his brows. “Just realised that?”

“Sorry, I know you didn’t want to talk about hockey after—” You cut yourself off, wincing a little as you stood in his kitchen, just dressed in one of his shirts (ironically, an Islanders one with the number thirteen above your heart) with a mug of coffee in hand. “Ignore me. Watch the eggs don’t burn.” 

Mat snorted. “What has made you realise hockey is so brutal?” 

“Just kinda thinking about it,” you shrugged, your gaze on the rim of your mug rather than his face. It made him frown a little. “Like, I know it’s a part of the sport but, fuck, all it takes is one bad hit and—”

“Woah, hey,” Mat’s frown deepened as he reached for you, the stove turned off, the eggs forgotten and his hand reaching to place the coffee mug on the counter. He took your face in his hands, his thumbs smoothing over the apples of your cheeks. 

“Sorry,” you laughed, but it sounded a bit wet and weak to his ears. He tilted your head up, his lips pressed together when he noticed how glossy your eyes were. “I guess I just never realised how brutal the sport was until I met you. And you guys play through so many injuries and I know your season is over now but the idea of you pushing yourself even more is just—”

“Come back home with me.”

You blinked. “What?”

“Come back home with me for the summer,” Mat repeated, a soft smile on his lips. 

You blinked again, your confusion only growing. “Did you not just hear me—” 

“I did,” Mat interrupted, nodding his head with the look of adoration still written plainly across his face. “And all I could think was, ‘wow, how lucky am I to have this amazing girl care about me so much’ and I just…I am lucky. So lucky. And I wanna show other people how lucky I am. I want to show my family how lucky I am.”

Your face softened. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Mat murmured. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you whispered before leaning in, a soft and lingering kiss left on his lips before you pulled back. “And I’m lucky you care about me too.” 

“I’m really glad I bumped into you that day in Coney Island,” Mat confessed, something warm and comforting bubbling in his stomach at the sight of your smile. 

“Yeah, me too,” you hummed, a glint of mischief in your eyes. “And I love you even if you can’t win the ring toss—”

Mat groaned, his head dropping to the crook of your neck. “Don’t ruin the moment.”

…

March 2023

“You don’t have to hide it from me.”

Mat blinked, his thoughts torn away from him as he turned to find you settling down onto the bench next to him, two pretzels in your hand. He murmured a small ‘thanks’ as he took one of the pretzels from you, staring at the sugary cinnamon sticks with little appetite. 

“Hide what?” Mat asked. 

“Mat,” you said his name in a way that made his chest tighten, so soft and gentle, like he was some scared animal you were slowly approaching. “Baby, I know you miss him. You don’t have to pretend.” 

His eyes dropped back to the pretzel in his hands. 

Because it was true. He did miss Beau. He missed Beau more than he cared to admit. And it was stupid because he knew this was how hockey worked, he had friends traded and sent away multiple times before. It was a part of the sport. 

But he just didn’t think it would ever hurt this bad, even weeks after the trade had happened. His focus should have been the season and the playoffs approaching. He should have been focused on the team. 

But every time he went on the ice, he couldn’t help but feel like a part of him was missing when he lifted his head and didn’t see Beau there, ready to accept his pass.

“There was this small part of me that just thought—” Mat paused, letting out a heavy sigh. “That we would be on the same team forever, you know? That it would always be me and him. That we would win the Cup together and…yeah.”

“I know,” you whispered, soft and soothing as you placed your head on his shoulder and let him lean his head against yours. “You never know. You two will find your way back to each other.”

His lips twitched into a sad smile. “Maybe.”

“You were always meant to find each other in this life,” you told him, sounding so sincere and genuine over the distant cheers and screams and buzzing noise of the amusement park behind you. “Just because you don’t live minutes away anymore, doesn’t mean that ends. He is always gonna be there for you, just like I am.”

Mat pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Thank you.”

“Always, Mat. Always.” 

…

July 2023

“Home, sweet home!”

Mat winced a little as his voice echoed through the empty apartment, the walls bare and the place a little dusty. But it was yours and it made it perfect, it made the keys in his hand feel heavier and more special than his last set. 

“Fuck, we have so much to unpack,” you commented but you sounded happy. You both did, despite the state of exhaustion the last few days left you, attempting to pack up both of your apartments and moving into your new shared place. 

“That is a later problem,” Mat waved you off, reaching towards you so he could wind his arms around your waist and pull you closer. “We have a mattress and takeout menus, what else do we need?” 

“Preferably some sheets,” you teased, not even attempting to pull yourself out of his hold. You were content exactly where you were. “I’m, like, ninety percent sure you put them in the wrong box.”

“Blame the pretty one,” Mat huffed, cackling when you playfully pinched his hip. “Kidding, baby, you’re obviously the pretty one in the relationship.”

“We can both be pretty,” you rolled your eyes before laying your head on his chest, smiling when you felt him lean his chin on top. “Can’t wait to make this place ours.” 

“It’s gonna be so pretty so it can match us,” Mat murmured, grinning when you laughed in response. 

“It looks so plain right now, it’s freaky,” you commented, half-hearted with no real heaviness to your words. It would take a few days for you both to make it feel homely and you were looking forward to it. 

But Mat was already untangling himself from your hold, grinning as he began tugging you towards the kitchen. “We can put our first proper decoration up!” 

Your brows furrowed together in confusion. “What? But the boxes are—” 

You cut yourself off as you watched Mat reach into the pocket of his sweatpants, grinning widely as he pulled out a small magenet and slapped it on the middle of the very bland fridge. He looked at the magnet with great pride before turning to you, his smile only growing.

You let out a laugh at the sight of the Coney Island magnet on the fridge. “Perfect.”

“Our first home,” Mat grinned, pulling you back in so he could smack a kiss on your lips. “The first of many.”

“I’m not moving for at least another few years,” you joked, smiling against his lips. “This whole thing was exhausting.” 

“As long as it’s with you, I don’t really care.”

…

January 2024

“I need your help.” 

“Oh god, what have you done?” 

Mat frowned at his phone for a moment, forgetting about the bundling nerves that had left him on edge for the last week. He was sure you were starting to pick up on it, even if you hadn’t mentioned as much—thankfully. But after a week of waiting, he finally had the perfect opportunity to call his sister whilst you were out of the house. 

“I have done nothing. Yet.” 

His sister sighed. “Mathew—”

“No full names needed,” he murmured, his cheeks burning as he leaned back against the couch, staring at the ceiling with determination that was quickly dwindling the longer the call went on. “I just…I need your help.”

“With?” 

“A ring.” 

His frown deepened when Liana laughed. “If this is about that arcade game Beau told me about—”

“What? No,” he sighed, his blush only deepening. “I need help picking a ring. A real ring. An engagement ring.”

His sister was silent for a few moments before she spoke. “Holy shit. You’re really gonna do it?” 

Mat couldn’t even bite back his smile. “I want to. This summer, maybe. But I need a ring and I was thinking you could help while we’re up for All Stars and—” 

“Sold. Done. I’m not letting you pick an ugly ring for my future sister-in-law.”

“She might still say no,” Mat reminded her, even if his stomach twisted uncomfortably at the thought. 

“Of course she won’t,” Liana retorted, sounding so confident that Mat almost wanted to believe her wholeheartedly. “Especially if you let me help pick a ring.” 

Mat pressed his lips together. “I really want to find the perfect ring.” 

“We will. She is going to love it, Mat. She is going to say yes.” 

“Good,” he murmured, grinning. “Because she’s it for me. She’s the only person I wanna give a ring to.”

“You’re such a sap.”

“Shut up.”

…

October 2024

He couldn’t even remember what started the argument. 

If he was being honest, the tension had been brewing for a while. It had been a combination of things and none of them had made the atmosphere around the apartment much better. Small, silly things that shouldn’t have been that bad but felt like the end of the world as they were thrown at you both, one after the other.

Mat knew it was bad.

He just didn’t think it was this bad.

It felt like the two of you had been at it for hours, and maybe you had. He couldn’t tell anymore, he didn’t know if it had been minutes or hours the two of you had stood on opposite sides of the living room, yelling and screaming and crying. It all felt too much, like it was getting bigger and bigger, just waiting to pop. 

And then it fucking did. 

“I-I can’t do this anymore.” 

And Mat felt like a deflating balloon, the air escaping his lungs as he found himself staring at you, his mouth unable to voice any of the thoughts he wanted to say.

“Maybe,” you let out a bitter laugh, pained and hurt and weak. “Maybe we just aren’t forever, Mat. Maybe you’re not ready to let anything but hockey be your forever.” 

And you were wrong. 

Deep down, Mat knew you were wrong and his brain was screaming for him to tell you just how wrong you were. Because the fight had escalated and spun out of control and he should have grabbed the wheel with both hands to stabilise you both.

But he was hurt and he was petty and he felt his mouth saying the exact opposite of how he felt. 

“Maybe you’re right.” 

The way your whole body deflated and your face fell would haunt his nightmares for nights to come, along with the sound of the apartment door slamming shut as you left and never looked back. 

…

Present – November 2024 

Once upon a time, the biggest challenge Coney Island provided him was the damn ring toss game. It had been like that for years. 

But now, he sat on the bench, the plastic ring between his fingers feeling as heavy as the other ring in his pocket. He didn’t feel victorious, he didn’t feel anything but emptiness. Because neither ring meant anything when he was here alone, when he had failed to give you both.

The ring toss was barely a challenge compared to returning to this damn bench almost every day since he had pulled from the lineup with an injury that just felt like a mockery on top of everything else. 

But he did it. He came back every single day because it hurt and he deserved it. He deserved to sit there and think about just what he lost. Because he had no idea where you were, he hadn’t heard a single word from you—not even Beau would tell him if he had heard from you.

Mat had let pride and something else just as stupid get in the way of his forever.

The least he could do was bear the cold, winter weather on that stupid bench until his fingers were too damn numb to hold the stupid arcade ring. 

The least he could do was spend the rest of his days wondering if there was a universe where things were different, where he still had you, where he was able to see you one more time.

The least he could do was let his own thoughts about losing you forever haunt him. 

The least he could do was hope the universe would give him one more fucking chance to fix everything with you, to at least give you the stupid arcade ring he once promised he would win for you.

The least he could do was apologise for not making you his centrefold like he knew you deserved.

Mat stared down at the phone in his hand, pressing your contact before he could talk himself out of it. He had to try. For you, for him, for the forever he knew you two could have. 

He had to try. 

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hello?”

.

[loulovingho]

Rocker and Deacon are out shopping for groceries or whatever and Deacon just subconsciously reaches to hold Rocker's hand or to put his hand on Rocker's waist, while they're talking about something else, and Deacon not letting go even when they bump into someone they know.

Rocker is a little surprised because he remembers how they started off all clandestine and now Deacon is freely showing affection in front of others.

Okay, I saw this and had to write something about it 😩 then it turned into 1000 words! I hope you enjoy!

They've been together, really together, for four months now. No more hiding, no more affair, no more dirty little secret.

Deacon's moved into his own apartment, he's explained everything to the kids, he and Annie are figuring things out through their attorneys.

He and Rocker have even filled out all the proper relationship agreements at work.

All these steps came pretty naturally. They left both Deacon and Rocker feeling more free than they ever had their entire lives. Like a heavy weight had been lifted off of them.

They weren't exactly the most exciting pair. Sure, the sex was incredible, adventurous, sometimes daring, but life was about more than sex.

It was about fixing the broken cabinets in Deacon's apartment, it was dealing with the nightmares Rocker sometimes suffered from, it was making sure they got enough rest to be able to deal with whatever happened at work the next day.

It was figuring out who they were as a couple, all the things they liked and all the things they hated. It was laughing together, fighting together, helping each other, holding each other.

It was dealing with grocery shopping for two households on a Saturday afternoon.

“We should have gotten two carts.”

“You really want to try and maneuver two carts down every aisle through all these people?”

Deacon managed to step out of the way just before a lady could ram him with her cart. He sighed. “No. I just want to be done with this.”

“We just gotta get some breakfast foods for your place and we'll be finished.” He waved Deacon along. “Scoot scoot.”

With an eye roll, he turned and headed for the next aisle, Rocker following behind with the cart.

Deacon grabbed up a box of Fruity Pebbles and placed it on the side that had all his items, stopping with he noticed the look Rocker gave him.

“What?”

“That for you?” Rocker asked.

“Do I look like a Fruity Pebbles kinda guy to you?”

“You really want me to answer that?”

Deacon glared at him. “They're for the kids, Donovan. It's their favorite.”

Rocker shook his head, pushing the cart forward to get out of another man's way.

“What? What is that?” Deacon asked. “Why are you shaking your head?”

“They don't like Fruity Pebbles anymore.”

“Yes they do.”

“No they don't.”

“Yes, they- How would you know?”

“The last time they came over,” Rocker explained, “Lila mentioned that Samuel threw up Fruity Pebbles in the car and now none of the kids can handle the smell.”

Deacon picked up the box. “No Fruity Pebbles then,” he said, placing it back on the shelf. After letting three people pass between them, he moved back over to Rocker's side.

“Should I be offended that you know my children better than I do?” he questioned, wrapping an arm around Rocker's waist as they continued down the aisle.

Rocker smiled. “Well, technically you were in the shower when they told me, so...”

“Oh, the truth comes out,” Deacon said with a laugh. “You were just gonna let me think I should know this information?”

Rocker shrugged as they turned the corner. “It's fun to see you squirm sometimes.”

“Oh, you're gonna be doing some sq-”

“David!”

A woman's voice had Rocker and Deacon turning their heads to the side.

“Mrs. Chase!” Deacon greeted, smiling brightly at the older woman. “Good to see you!”

“You too. Busy day in here today, isn't it?”

“That's what we were saying,” Deacon answered, giving Rocker a pat on his side before resting his hand back on the same spot.

It was a little thing, and Rocker knew he should be used to it by now, but he wasn't. They'd spent over a year hiding. Making sure no one saw a touch, a glance, heard an unprofessional word. They'd once driven an hour out of town to go out to dinner somewhere that they knew no one would know them. And even then, Deacon had to be sitting so he could face the entire restaurant, just in case someone were to enter that he recognized.

Now though, with this woman that Deacon knew but Rocker had never seen before, his hand remained just above his hip.

“Mrs. Chase, this is my boyfriend, Donovan Rocker,” Deacon introduced. “He goes by Rocker though.”

And damn, that still felt new too.

Boyfriend.

Not acquaintance.

Not co-worker.

Not friend.

Boyfriend.

It might seem a little juvenile to some, using the word boyfriend when the two of them were in their forties and fifties, but in their line of work “partner” could mean many things. So, boyfriend it was.

Deacon gave Rocker's waist a little squeeze, “Donny, this is Mrs. Chase from my old church. Makes the best pies in the world.”

Rocker smiled, reaching out to give her hand a shake. “Nice to meet you, Ma'am, I've actually heard a lot about you.”

“Oh, my,” she replied with a little giggle, shaking his hand as a blush rose on her cheeks. “You're very handsome.”

“You're very sweet.”

She looked over at Deacon once she let go of Rocker's hand. “A lot of us have missed you at church, David.”

“I miss some of you guys too, it's just... that's Annie's place to go now. It wouldn't be fair to her.”

He left out the part of the news spreading like wildfire as soon as he and Annie filed for divorce. How the rumors had gotten so bad that the priest had called and asked him to not return. It wasn't like he was going to anyway, but that definitely put the final nail in the coffin.

Mrs. Chase nodded, her facial expression remaining soft, nonjudgmental. “Well, you have my number still, don't you?”

“Yes, Ma'am.”

“Good. Use it. Call me soon and I'll bring you a couple of my pies.” She looked back at Rocker. “You like cherry?”

“Love it.”

“Good. I better get going. It was good seeing you, David, and nice meeting you, Rocker.”

After saying their goodbye's, they started down the next aisle.

Using one hand to steer the cart, Rocker wrapped the other around Deacon's shoulder, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“Can we get out of here now?” Deacon asked, gripping onto Rocker's shirt with his hand as they passed a group of very loud tourists.

“Breakfast foods,” Rocker reminded him.

Deacon dropped his head down. “Damn it.”

[runninriot]

Backstage Romance (I Want It Bad)

written for @steddiesongfics

song: Backstage Romance (Moulin Rouge! The Musical) | rated: E | wc: 7.018 | tags: Rockstar Eddie Munson, Manager Steve Harrington, Famous Corroded Coffin, secret hookups, dom/sub undertones, angst, smut, ambiguous/open ending | complete fic on ao3

-----

Eddie is buzzing, high on adrenaline like always when they’re playing a show. He’s still not used to this, it’s still something he can’t quite wrap his head around – to watch people dance and sing along to their songs, to hear their roaring applause and deafening whistles, to know they’re here for them.

It’s electrifying.

A fucking dream.

They’re still considered newcomers but Corroded Coffin are finally climbing their way out of the gutter; they’re making it, step by step, and one day not too far in the future, they’ll be on top.

It’s all Eddie ever wanted, all he and his best friends have always fantasized about back when they were still a bunch of loser kids dreaming of becoming rockstars while terrorising Gareth’s poor parents (and the whole neighbourhood, really) with the horrible noise coming from their garage.

The dream is reality now, success not only a possibility but a fact. It would be poison for Eddie's already too big ego but thankfully, there's always someone bringing him back down to earth when he gets carried away.

They’ve got a label now, signed record deal and all and-

   “Great show, guys! The people seemed to really love the new song.”

Yeah, and that. They’ve got a manager now, too.

Steve Harrington.

The guy whose appearance makes him stick out like a sore thumb from the sea of blacks and greys and dark reds around him. The guy who doesn’t look the part but actually likes what they do. The guy who doesn’t give two fucks about what others think of him because he’s not here to make friends, he’s here to do his job. And he’s pretty good at that.

Good at a lot of things.

At first, Eddie hated the idea of having a fucking babysitter on tour with them. Someone to watch their every move, someone to keep them out of trouble (where’s the fun in that?), to make sure they don’t fuck up their reputation. Someone to handle all their business affairs for them, as if they couldn’t take care of it themselves.

Now, Eddie’s actually glad they have someone to deal with everything – from interview requests and setting up their tour schedule to negotiating their contracts and booking their gigs. Steve handles it all, allowing the band to enjoy the fruits of their labour without having to deal with the annoying parts of being in the music business.

And that should be all there is to it. Just a business relation based on what’s in the band’s best interest.

But it’s not.

Not behind the curtains, backstage, when no one is looking. Where, hidden in dark corners, Steve and Eddie share a secret.

A secret that could ruin it all.

Because it’s unprofessional, could get them both in trouble. Could get Steve fired, possibly. Maybe even put Eddie’s – if not the whole band’s – career on the line if the public ever found out about it.

But that just makes it even more thrilling.

Eddie has always been drawn to that, the forbidden, things that could cause irreparable damage. And throughout his life, he’s come to ask himself more than once if this is really worth it. If it’s worth risking it all just for giving in to his reckless impulses.

But the answer has always been the same. Now even more so than ever.

He knows it’s wrong, dangerous, a game he shouldn’t be playing because playing with fire will get him burned.

The problem is that he’s a sucker for the pain.

And being ruined by Steve Harrington is worth everything.

-----

continue reading here

[vigilskeep]

You mentioned Sol & Minerva interacting in the tags of a post and now I’m curious what you think the dynamic would be like between Sol and your other protagonists

sol’s family fled ferelden when they were a kid because of the blight, so they have an extremely weird relationship with the concept of the Hero Of Ferelden and would be a little nervous to meet her in a deeply uncharacteristic way. meanwhile, minerva would recruit sol to the wardens faster than you can blink. oh a world-class darkspawn slayer who’s, yeah, impulsive, but also fearless, charismatic, and adaptable, and has even thought about joining up because they want out of their current life situation which happens to be a faction minerva has beef with? Hers Now. i actually had them interact in that post in a theoretical situation where sol is pregnant because that’s the only thing i can think of that would slow her down. legendary minerva viago custody battle let’s go

varric picked sol out partly because they are (in his eyes) keir if he was funny and likeable. (scrappy sword and board human warrior fereldan blight refugee who cares a lot about a sibling figure.) keir would IMMEDIATELY clock this and sigh internally. even today he has to endure whatever the fuck varric’s issue was and now he has to grieve about it too. sol when dealing with keir would probably poke the bear a lot so to speak because they’re very good at noticing when someone is actually all bark no bite and they would think he’s funny when he gets snappy. they don’t respect him and only think of him as varric’s old friend rather than a Great Hero of Thedas or whatever. i think he would find their particular mixture of high energy and pessimistic beliefs irritating. keir loves people who are passionate about things; sol is easily bored, they usually don’t want to hear or give lengthy explanations, their mind skips from one thing to the other. he would probably also be the one to notice the real way in which sol is dangerous: not just that they’re an impulsive live wire, but also the other thing he and they have in common, which is their intensely specific priorities. they would both let the world burn if like 5-10 specific people didn’t need it to live on. and he would, rightly or not, consider their set of 5-10 people—well, mostly the central antivan crows—to lead in more questionable directions than his set

toramar cadash would think of sol as a kid who’s been through a lot. he sees them and is immediately not happy with varric’s choice; this weight should have landed on the sturdier, more experienced shoulders of someone who could actually handle it and, ideally, not come out broken the other side. and someone who isn’t visibly the absolute worst shot at getting solas to hear them out! but he can’t change things now so all he can do is show confidence. sol is sharp enough to pick up on that but shrugs it off. one major thing which is continually hysterical to me: sol is andrastian, and used to listen to varric. resulting in the fact that there is a non-zero possibility to them that toram is legitimately andraste’s herald. because they are also an objectively funny person whose mind somehow moves on quickly from this kind of world-shaking concept—got things to do and places to be!—this doesn’t massively affect how they talk to him. but it is present and they do give his opinions more respect than they would most people’s. interpersonally toram quite likes sol. they’re fun and a breath of fresh air; most of the people he talks to these days are just so squeamish about lines of work like the ones they come from. they remind him of sera a little bit and sera was a massive favourite of his. this makes him go back around again to feeling worse about their involvement lmao

[sunnyie-eve]

40 | Different

Series: Unexpected

Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: none

| MASTERLIST |

"Dani, there's your best friend." Nick says as Matt enters the gas station.

"I can't stand her." Matt plays around in a serious tone.

"Do you wanna fight in a convent store?" Dani spins around to face him.

"Let's do it outside." Matt heads for the door.

"Someone is moody today." Nick watches him so he turns around to give him a look.

Dani heads outside to see Matt at the gas pump, "So are we fighting out here?" She laughs joining him.

"We don't have an audience yet. It would be no fun."

"Would you let me win our fight?" She smiles batting her eyes at him, "To be nice?"

"Maybe."

Her jaw drops, "Then maybe I won't sleep in your room tonight." She crosses her arms.

"Yeah, right." He opens the driver side door, "Now, get in." He makes her laugh so she gets in the back seat leaning forward.

"I'm serious about sleeping in your room." She lets him know.

"Okay, so that just means I'll go sleep in your room then." He looks back at her.

Her eyes glance down at his lips wanting to kiss him so badly before back to his eyes, "I'll lock my door then." She leans back into the seat.

"I'll just keep knocking till you open the door then." He says so she mocks him. "Your mom and brother come tomorrow, right?"

"Yep, I'm not nervous but I am at the same time. Not because of Gage but my mom. Last time she was here she asked if I liked you and I feel like she'll ask again."

"What did you tell her then?" He asks her as they still wait for the other two.

"I told her I liked you but I'm not risking our friendship." She sighs.

"Then just tell her the same thing again unless you want to tell her."

"No!" Dani basically shouts, "She can't keep a secret of her life depended on it. Me liking you isn't big to her but us together is." Dani explains.

"Then you just tell her the same thing as last time then." He laughs a bit as the other two finally get back to the car.

Back at home Dani went to her room because she was hanging out with Tara in a few hours. They were gonna go out and have a girls night where Dani could get in and still have fun without drinking.

While doing her makeup, Matt walked into her room laying on her bed to see what she was doing since he was bored. As he admired her, he pulled out his phone taking a picture of her. The sound of the camera had Dani turn her body to look at him.

"You look beautiful."

Dani lets out a loud chuckle, "You're so stupid." She turns back around.

"Where do you plan on going?" He asks because she never just does her makeup to sit around the house.

"Tara invited me out. She said I need it. Whatever that means because I still can't drink yet." She laughs.

"What's the dress code?" He asks curious.

"Black." Was all she gives him, "So why don't you leave so I can get dressed in a few minutes?" She gives him a smile.

"Fine, fine, fine." He gets off her bed leaving the room so she could finish.

When she was finished getting ready, she texted Tara and she said she would come by and pick her up to go out.

"I feel a bit uncomfortable going into public dressed like this but Tara said." Dani groans walking up the stairs to join the guys and they all stop what they were doing to look at her.

"Damn Dani. Look at you, girl." Nick applauds her, "You look hot so embrace it."

"Thank you."

"Also don't you do photo shoots is similar things at time?" Chris asks since in the past she complained about an outfit she had to wear once to him.

"Yes, but I wasn't going into a public place when people will stare in person." She explains tugging her dress down a bit.

Matt still hasn't said anything as he kept eyeing her up and down. When he finally realized the other two were noticing he hasn't said anything he speak up, "You could wear black tights with it."

"There was hole in them so I had to throw them out sadly." She rolls her eyes going to take a seat.

Matt could see Chris trying to look at Dani again out of the corner of his eye, so he grabs the blanket next to him tossing onto her which earns him a look from her. "You have cold chills." He lies but she still thanks him.

When Chris excuses himself to use their bathroom for a second, Matt looks at Dani again, "What?" She asks.

"He kept trying to get a look at you. That's why I covered you up." He explains to her.

"And you care?" She tires not to smile.

"You said you feel uncomfortable wearing it so I was helping you."

"Wearing it out in public, Matt. Here I don't care. Plus in the past when we went to the mall he helped me zip up a dress I was having trouble with." She explains to him.

"Excuse me?" He gives her a look, "He's been with you in a dressing room? And helped you?"

"Are you jelly? She pokes at his arm.

"What no. It's just my brother has seen m-, you change clothes."

"For one, he didn't see me change. He only zipped up my dress for me and unzipped it then left the room. And two, you're jelly at the thought." She laughs poking his arm more.

"Of course I'm jealous at the thought of him seeing you change clothes now. Shit is different now." He admits to it.

"If I'm changing in front of anyone it's Nick."

"If not me then yeah." He agrees.

"I haven't even changed in front of you yet." She laughs.

"Well when you're ready." He says to make it clear.

[schizodelicsyscourse]

Ur funny

I'd like to see someone try me lol

Let's see, list of all the things I definitely didn't deal with

-got kicked out by my dad for being trans on my 18th birthday

-sat out in the cold every single fucking night

-nearly got raped by a methhead who trapped me under his tarp while he was smoking

-got manipulated into being the perfect boytoy for some drunk asshole

-my girlfriend tortured and nearly killed because someone thought she stole a watch

-watched the world end and everyone I love die during an intense psychotic episode

-watched my cats get abused by drunk asshole, including being kicked into a tree, the cat now has seizures regularly and I have no way to find out if they will kill him

-watching my girlfriend get jumped by someone I thought was my friend

-watching people I cared about relapse on meth over and over

-watching people die on fentanyl on a nearly daily basis

-lost almost everyone when I left my drunk abuser because he only let me socialize through him

-used as a glorified security camera and forced to stay isolated in the woods for weeks at a time, depending on my abuser to bring me back food, hoping he didn't get distracted by the liquor cabinet (spoiler: he usually did)

-controlled by using drugs to shut me up any time I expressed anger or discomfort with what was going on

-risking jail time every time I needed food, or warm clothes, or a sleeping bag

-sleeping outside when its so cold all your muscles tighten up and shake and hurt so bad it takes half a bottle to get you to sleep

-gang shit I can't even begin to explain

-the homeless shelter stealing all my shit and lying to me about giving it back

-got through all this and am fucking winning cuz I have a hot girlfriend, money in my pocket, and a housing voucher in 2 days

Idc whether you think I experience plurality or not, it's an endo-made term anyway, no one in real life cares.

You're just a chronically online middle schooler with nothing better to do with his time and its fun to mess with you a little bit, but at the end of the day, nothing you say matters. My girlfriend (who has DID by the way) still thinks its hot that I have other people in my head, her father figure who also experiences schizogenic plurality (though he doesn't use those words) still lets me hang around his apartment all day and will always roll me a joint while discuss our multiplicity, my sibling is still best fucking friends with my sysmate, and I'm still openly schizo and plural in real life.

hi. endo sys with diagnosed psychosis. my therapist is actively encouraging me to regain my system after I suppressed it. he believes it is a beneficial symptom and supports me in being MORE plural. yeah my plurality is caused by psychosis and it has still been deemed healthy by a medical professional. why are you ableist against psychotics? you think we can't know our own brains?

So basically, ur therapist supports ur delusions, that's all it is LMAO like I said, therapists can't beka delusions, he knows that soon enough you'll grow out of it

[icewindandboringhorror]

It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.

Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.

[cuteniaarts]

Small drawing collection of my latest creation Emran as a teenager/freshly minted Air Acolyte, for my dear partner in unhinged OC shenanigans @katkastrofa, as promised <3

[thebirdandhersong]

well mark that down as situation 2938489 that I don't know how to handle

[maddy-ferguson]

talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)

[carcarrot]

hollywood bowl btw. if you even care

my most expensive event ever??? no one ended up buying my extra tickets. and i flew here and got a hotel room and the shoes and etc but concerts are forever!!!!! especially this one

friend and i worked HARD to nail our ron and russ looks. so many people complimented us and took our picture

got TWO official sparks shirts and the socks. they didnt have the pins :(

also got a hollywood bowl christmas tree ornament :)

tmbg show was SUPER FUN. but also very loud and a little harsh sound wise. they thanked sparks twice for having them open for them

sparks don't address tmbg at all when they come out lmao

the energy for the sparks show was insane from the start they were really giving it all

really hoping theres video of this little hip sway move russell did near the end of so may we start. really enjoyed it

he did a similar move during the groovy instrumental part of when im with you think. he was selling it

unlike ny this time i managed to remember to watch for russells shirt unbuttoning during shopping mall of love. all thoughts are redacted

the concert goes by so fast!!!! but what a time

stood up for music that you can dance to and just kept standing/bouncing for the rest of the show

no escalator :((((((

russell's weirdly long intro to we go dancing. thanks for the intricate context abt north korea

russell saying 'that looks beautiful!' in between lyrics of all that when everyone held up their phones w the flashlight on

edgar taking the band photo :)))))

weird al was also allegedly there (did not see him) and christi haydon was there (i was too shy to talk to her but she looked so fab)

just a general incredible energy of the show you could tell they made the hollywood bowl show so special

got a weird bootleg sparks shirt after the concert from a weird guy

[megansplants]

.

[niuxita21]

I haven't done a proper long ass ramble about TV on here in a while, probably because the people who were most likely to read it are long gone from here so I am essentially now just shouting into the void (but aren't we all, really?) Anyway, now that I've had time to get acquainted with more of the Thai lesbian shows (I know they're called "GLs" but it feels weird to use that term, like I'm intruding on something that isn't mine or like I'm being a bandwagoner or whatever), I feel the need to do a little ranking with my opinions because, to the surprise of absolutely NO ONE, they are the complete opposite of the mainstream and I feel very alone haha.

8. The Secret of Us: This was weirdly the very first one I tried to watch back when I was still travelling around Asia and so it was available on Netflix. I've mentioned before that I couldn't get into it, and in truth I couldn't even finish the first episode. It didn't help that the couple started off as exes, which is already a hard sell for me because I need the slow burn or the enemies to lovers or whatever to really make me yearn for a couple to be together. That, plus the fact that they tell you the story of how they get together in a flashback in the first episode in which they basically sleep together after knowing each other for 2 days (if I remember correctly) just completely failed to hold my interest (not that there's anything wrong with sleeping together after 2 days, like I said, I personally just need the slow burn and the yearning. C'est la vie). Which is a damn shame, because the actresses are absolutely beautiful together, but at least I can look forward to their upcoming bodyguard-themed series, which definitely has all the markings of being a hit with me.

7. Affair: This one I did manage to finish one episode of and that was enough to realize I wouldn't be able to continue. It's weird, because it's not that it was bad. The acting was good, the characters were interesting, the relationship dynamic between the two leads was certainly something different than the typical storyline, and yet... I was SO BORED. Like I struggled to get through the episode, and I definitely was not invested enough in the main couple to follow their trials and tribulations for however many episodes there were. Again, I can't really explain it, but perhaps it was simply that I didn't see the chemistry between them that other people see.

6. Show Me Love: I literally only gave this one a shot because I found out it featured the same actresses that will be in Petrichor, that upcoming show about the cop and medical examiner who fall in love, so I was curious to see what the chemistry was like between them and whether it would be worth it to pay for the subscription to the streaming service if it's not available on YT. It was a struggle to get through because I just did not care enough about the pageant storyline, and the writing was very confusing at times like there were some things that just straight-up did not make any sense lmao. That being said, the leads are very very pretty together, and with a better script and storyline (and directing wrt the romantic/love scenes) I could 100% see myself rooting for them as a couple, so that was definitely not a waste of my time. Small wins.

5. The Loyal Pin: It took me about 9 episodes to realize that I was just... not into the main couple. I kinda figured I was wayyy out of the target demographic for them but I thought, they're so popular for a reason, so surely I'd be able to see it, too. Well, turns out I was wrong, haha. I got so caught up in crushing on Pin's lesbian aunt and her magnificent face from the very beginning that it was easy to believe I was into the whole show. However, at one point in episode 9 I realized that there were like 7 episodes left of Pin and Anin having couple scenes and for some reason my first thought was "Oh God, how repetitive" LMAO. That, plus the fact that Pin's aunt's subtextual, 3-scene love story made me more emotional than the show's main couple's most romantic love declarations was definitely a big clue that this show perhaps is not for me. I'm gonna see it through until the end, though, because far be it from me to deprive myself of looking at such an exquisitely gorgeous creature as Pin's aunt (plus it gives me something to do on Sunday mornings), but I don't think I'll be checking out GAP any time soon. Such is life.

4. Blank: This one is surprisingly holding my interest (this is DESPITE the age gap storyline, not because of it, in a completely unexpected turn of events. Perhaps I'd be more into it if they had the younger one act less like a child even though she's supposed to be 20). I watched the first episode of this one on the same day as the first episode of Affair and, in a stark contrast, I definitely wanted to continue, so that must mean something. It's probably because the older one of the leads is sooooo beautiful, and her character has such a cool style, like I adore every single one of her outfits. But there was also a moment in episode 3 or 4 of season 1 where they were all dressed up for an event and had a scene together and I definitely felt the chemistry. They really took their sweet time to get them together, which was fine by me, and now that they are formally an item they are surprisingly cute given my slight apprehensiveness in the beginning because of how the younger one acted, so I guess I am in this for the long haul. I also definitely would be interested in watching anything else the two actresses star in.

3. Pluto: Quite enjoying this one. I don't necessarily ship the main couple (although the actress that plays the twins is very very very pretty and the actress that plays the blind girl is adorable so they make a super cute couple), but I am VERY intrigued by the plot. In particular, what the hell is going on with the side throuple (??) situation and the fact that you KNOW the comatose twin is gonna wake up at some point, probably when it creates the most drama, and I am positively salivating at the potential conflict. I also can't even begin to predict how it will all be resolved as I have not read the book and I'm not planning to, so I like watching something where I don't need to speculate because I know that whatever happens will end up surprising me anyway. I hope it doesn't disappoint.

2. 23.5: I thoroughly enjoyed this one. I wasn't even gonna bother checking it out because I knew it was a high school romance, which is almost impossible for me to get invested in. However, I was bored one Saturday night so I gave it a shot. And while they're definitely not gonna go down as my ride-or-die pairing, the show was quite charming and hilarious, it had a surprising side f/f ship that I was very much into as well, and the lead was absolutely adorable. Their couple interactions were also super super cute. I found myself even wanting to pace my consumption of the episodes so I could live a little longer in the universe of the show. The entire friend group from the school was very enjoyable to watch, it was all around a very wholesome little show.

1. The Two of Us: Brilliant. Amazing. Fantastic. Showstopping. Spectacular. Invented love and relationships. Changed me on a metaphysical level and permanently altered my brain chemistry. What's that you say? It's only a low-budget spin-off of an m/m show with 15-minute episodes that barely allow for any plot and that are carried on the shoulders of the leads' insane chemistry? And your point is? Look, here's the thing. I started watching this one purely because the short episodes made it a small time commitment. I had just dropped my previous f/f ship on a show from another country and in another language, which shall remain nameless and only gave me angst, censorhip, and disappointment. And then I came across these two and they gave me all the trope-y, age-appropriate telenovela nonsense I had been CRAVING for so long. So yeah, perhaps if it hadn't scratched an itch I didn't know I had, I wouldn't have fallen so hard so fast, but also, really, it was like this pairing was genetically engineered to hit every single one of my wishes when it comes to f/f pairings. Older women? Check. Domesticity? Check. Sickening adorableness? Check. Of course I had to imprint on the ONE pairing that doesn't have like, a set commitment to star in things together and that seems to have such a small fandom in comparison to the behemoths from other shows, but you know what, I wouldn't trade that for the world. Even though I would give away one of my kidneys FOR FREE just to see them get a proper full-length, 8+ episode show where I can watch them fall in love slowly and tantalizingly, if this little show is all I ever get of them together as romantic leads, I will still cherish it and be forever grateful we even got this much.

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[cuteniaarts]

What if… Suiren in Vaatu’s colours 😳👀